See below for information on Interwoven Twin Therapy
When Jealousy Breeds Discontentment
With my sister and I, we were always compared. It was an easy way of telling us apart. But after so many years of being compared, this became a way of being for me to relate to my sister, I could only relate to her by comparing myself to her and I imagine she felt the same. But comparison is the thief of joy, and this meant that rather than share in her successes (of which she had many), I became jealous of what she achieved, and envious of her.
This could have led to real resentment, as I was disappointed that- in order to be so different from her, I ignored what I truly wanted to do (more on that later)- I wasn’t able to achieve in the same way, I felt she had stolen what should have been mine. She was being celebrated, and I felt like I wasn’t. More resentment.
Resentment is not a good emotion to have. Brene Brown recognises that resentment is part of a cocktail of emotions that make envy, and that it is rooted in perceived in a feeling of unfairness or injustice. Resentment can get in the way of a true relationship with someone who is supposed to be the closest to you.
Who earns more money?
who got the better job?
who had a bigger wedding?
who had kids first?
who does mum and dad love best?
who got the better grades?
It can take a lot of personal development to work through and recognise our own areas that need work, but it can really improve your relationship with your twin. It can also improve the dynamics for the rest of the family. Contrary to popular belief, some twins don’t do everything together, and instead, as I have just illustrated, tensions arise instead.
Who am I without you?
When I came into this world, I was with my sister. She has been my companion in existence for the last three decades, and although we now live three hours apart and have separate lives, I cannot image a world without her in it.
Although I am now scared of heights and flying in an aeroplane, I have always held a distinct fear of being alone without her in this world. She is my rock and my safe space, the place I return to when I need regulation and comfort. I cannot imagine my world without her; I wonder if this is the same fear for other twins, both fraternal and identical.
For us there was never a time before our siblings, we have only been together, but the undeniable and painful truth is we will have to leave the world alone, without each other. This can be a difficult thought to come to terms with, and therapy is a good place to explore the dark, ‘dangerous’ emotions that can be stirred up in a safe, supportive, non-judgemental environment by someone who gets it. Losing a twin isn’t just losing a sibling, a family member; it is losing a part of your identity.
Twin Therapy is the place to come to explore who are you, without your twin.
interwoven therapy 